Cash For Clunkers

In an attempt to continue to stimulate the economy, President Obama is expected to announce today that the Cash For Clunkers program will be extended to cover the youth soccer community. Disgruntled parents will receive a deep discount on new highly efficient coaches when they trade in their current bloated beer guzzlers. Priority will be given to parents still using 1969 or earlier models fitted with single or double knee braces. All heavy front end models traded in during the program will be rendered useless by pretty much leaving them as they are. Qualifying replacement models will be subject to strict requirements including tight cryuff turn abilities and low volatility emissions. Foreign imports will be eligible for double discounts as the government continues with its program of taking a good idea and screwing up the implementation. Questioned on whether or not this was throwing away a lot of valuable experience, and if he was worried about the inherent dangers of young coaches in charge of impressionable teens, the President replied “That’s just stupid! Oh wait, ……. I didn’t mean to say stupid”.