Well it looks like our investment might be about to pay off! As my daughter gets set to embark on her HS junior year season we’ve gotten wind of the fact that there might just be a couple of schools who have their eye on her! How cool is that?
We suspect that Our Lady of The Sacred Halftime Team Talk in Alaska has her firmly in their sights. Of course we haven’t actually spoken to the coach himself just yet but their school priest did assure my daughter that “God is watching”, so I assume he means the coach. He also said that their team needs help from a higher power so that was a pretty nice compliment, don’t you think? Talking to other parents we might even be able to expect a 0.1 scholarship which would go a long way to offsetting the $150,000 we’ve spent on private trainers since she was a three year old.
Of course, none of us in the Goldstein family are completely, 100% catholic at the moment but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. I’m just not sure that I want her so far away from home! Shoot, she might even miss her brother’s Bar Mitzvah. My daughter is out in the yard at the moment practicing a skill she’s sure to need – genuflecting before you take the field. It's all so exciting!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
ODP
My son got cut from ODP this afternoon. How much longer must we put up with the political BS that this program represents? I saw the head “coach” (if you can call him that) talking to the DOC of one the so-called big clubs in Michigan and then ten minutes later 2 kids from that club are announced as being on the team!! It’s so obvious that this club was favored above ours. The coach spent the whole time trying to look like he was watching every move when we could all see that he didn’t care. One parent told me the team was already selected before our check was even cashed. Which brings up another thing – all these guys are interested in is the money. Every time he spoke to my boy it was obviously all about whether he had paid or not. $200 for 10 minutes of “coaching” and two hours of scrimmages??? Please! I don’t know why we even tried out. ODP is dead now that the academy is in place and as soon as there are another six or seven academy clubs in Michigan my son’s true genius will be recognized. ODP is for losers!
It was all so different on the girl’s side. Even though the head coach of our year group coaches for the club that my daughter plays for you could tell that he was giving every girl a fair chance to show what she could do. The fact that 13 of the 18 girls chosen came from his club is a complete coincidence. Even when he was on his cell phone for that half hour with his back to the field you could tell that he was listening to every single thing that was going on. ODP is such a wonderful program and I don’t know why some idiots are talking about an academy approach for the girls. An academy is way too expensive and you get such good value from ODP. My daughter had an in-depth 10 minute tutorial and then was given a chance to showcase her new found skills in a highly charged, competitive environment commonly called a scrimmage. I’m so proud that my daughter has been selected to represent Michigan in the latest in a long line of excellent decisions by the staff of our fine ODP program.
email me at fullridesoon@gmail.com
It was all so different on the girl’s side. Even though the head coach of our year group coaches for the club that my daughter plays for you could tell that he was giving every girl a fair chance to show what she could do. The fact that 13 of the 18 girls chosen came from his club is a complete coincidence. Even when he was on his cell phone for that half hour with his back to the field you could tell that he was listening to every single thing that was going on. ODP is such a wonderful program and I don’t know why some idiots are talking about an academy approach for the girls. An academy is way too expensive and you get such good value from ODP. My daughter had an in-depth 10 minute tutorial and then was given a chance to showcase her new found skills in a highly charged, competitive environment commonly called a scrimmage. I’m so proud that my daughter has been selected to represent Michigan in the latest in a long line of excellent decisions by the staff of our fine ODP program.
email me at fullridesoon@gmail.com
Monday, January 19, 2009
More From The Paper
Blingfooled Farce U22.5 Girls today became the first team in Michigan soccer history to win a Notional Championship while fielding a team without an original Anterior Cruciate Ligament. All 36 legs on the 18 strong roster had been under the knife of the students of Dr. Random Carver of the Academy of Economy Surgery in Sad Axe, MI. Doctor Carver is the team’s sponsor and is pleased at the ‘happy coincidence’ which saw him prescribe so many surgeries just at the time his students were looking for patients to practice on.
The girls’ success is testimony to Doctor Carver’s approach which is to cut first and ignore the outmoded ideas of warm-up, exercise, strength development, quality playing surfaces, and referee protection for skilled players. He comments; “These girls can just kick the crap out of each other safe in the knowledge that the medical profession will rob them of their body parts faster than it can empty their wallets”.
The Farce will hobble onto the field and chant their war cry (Abra-cadaver!) for the final time next Friday in a showcase match-up against the Metro-Detroit Zombies, a team of girls in therapy with self esteem issues after being severely chewed out by ball breaker coaches.
Email me at fullridesoon@gmail.com
The girls’ success is testimony to Doctor Carver’s approach which is to cut first and ignore the outmoded ideas of warm-up, exercise, strength development, quality playing surfaces, and referee protection for skilled players. He comments; “These girls can just kick the crap out of each other safe in the knowledge that the medical profession will rob them of their body parts faster than it can empty their wallets”.
The Farce will hobble onto the field and chant their war cry (Abra-cadaver!) for the final time next Friday in a showcase match-up against the Metro-Detroit Zombies, a team of girls in therapy with self esteem issues after being severely chewed out by ball breaker coaches.
Email me at fullridesoon@gmail.com
Thursday, January 15, 2009
From Today's Paper
Former Wazdar Elite Jugs director Johnny Foreignguy was arraigned in Oakland County Court today on charges of impersonating a soccer coach. Prosecutors allege that Foreignguy used his zany South-American accent to lull unsuspecting parents into parting with large chunks of their inherited wealth with the promise of turning their athletically-challenged offspring into world beaters. The accused was also charged with simulating giving a damn about the kids performance and falsifying his credentials. Wazdar recruited the coach on the basis of his long playing career with Real Panamanian Red and the Elbonian national team. Prosecutors explained to presiding Judge Edward Oohaahcantona that Elbonia is a non-existent nation just south of Arkansas. The judge was also informed that soccer is a sport widely played in the developed world. Foreignguy’s defense team entered a plea of not-guilty by reason of insolvency and outlined plans to call a host of defense witnesses including Elbonian President Vincente Maradona.
Planning For College
Getting into college to play soccer is not something you want to leave to chance. So take my advice and visit www.weprofitfromyourdreams.com where, for only a few hundred bucks, a panel of experts will sell you the same information readily available from your coach and high school counselor. Their award winning program is personally endorsed by Bubba O’Toole, head coach of the men’s soccer program at the PeeWee Herman Community College in Hicksville, Nebraska.
For an additional fee Marjorie, their skilled audio-visual technician, will produce a DVD of your career highlight. This powerful asset can be used to bore any number of college coaches into submission. Feel free to order an extra copy to use as a surprise Christmas gift for your unsuspecting granny!
Ready to step up? Then it’s time to ignore those inexperienced fools who tell you to focus on your grades and go to the definitive source of mis-information!
For an additional fee Marjorie, their skilled audio-visual technician, will produce a DVD of your career highlight. This powerful asset can be used to bore any number of college coaches into submission. Feel free to order an extra copy to use as a surprise Christmas gift for your unsuspecting granny!
Ready to step up? Then it’s time to ignore those inexperienced fools who tell you to focus on your grades and go to the definitive source of mis-information!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Farewell Fox
The word on the street is that some local cable TV providers are pulling the Fox Soccer Channel from their line up. As you would expect some pinko, liberal, tree-hugging, euro-trash parents are getting a little bit bent out of shape about it and are trying to have the decision reversed! What’s that all about? Good riddance to FSC, I say!
FSC pollutes the airwaves with soccer from the UK, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Argentina, and also from the J League in that country whose name I can’t bring myself to write (hint; they lost the war). FOX even had the nerve to broadcast games from the world club championship! We can’t allow this to go on! If our kids grow up watching soccer from all over the world they might end up thinking that this is some sort of ‘world game’ which is played and enjoyed the world over with huge TV audiences! We have a duty to teach our kids that this is a minority sport played by kids who are too skinny to be football players, and too little to reach the basket.
Fox’s latest insult is to add some dolly-bird girl whose head is too big for her body to the panel on their nightly news show! That, and the fact that they showed some women’s college soccer this year might lead our youth into believing that there is a place for girls in the sporting world! My friends, we must protect our girls from those kind of debased thoughts.
As for the rest of their panel well they have some dude presented to us as an “expert” just because he’s Welsh, or Scottish or something! Please! Just because Wales and Scotland are two of the four countries that write the official rules of the game you expect us to believe these people will know what they are talking about?
The biggest problem with Fox is, of course, the games that they show. That EPL just seems to consist of skilful ball handlers who think we will be impressed by their fancy footwork, clever strategies, and flowing teamwork. Get out of here I say! This is America and we want to see our sportsmen knocking the crap out of each other. I had to beat my eldest kid with a stick after I caught her out in the back yard practicing some of that Christiano Ronaldo’s moves. We don’t want skill here, thank you very much.
So back off you FSC lovers and let’s let this channel go so that we can save our kids from the possibility that they might end actually being able to play this game. In the meantime, I have to cut this short because the Arsenal v Liverpool game is about to start.
FSC pollutes the airwaves with soccer from the UK, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Argentina, and also from the J League in that country whose name I can’t bring myself to write (hint; they lost the war). FOX even had the nerve to broadcast games from the world club championship! We can’t allow this to go on! If our kids grow up watching soccer from all over the world they might end up thinking that this is some sort of ‘world game’ which is played and enjoyed the world over with huge TV audiences! We have a duty to teach our kids that this is a minority sport played by kids who are too skinny to be football players, and too little to reach the basket.
Fox’s latest insult is to add some dolly-bird girl whose head is too big for her body to the panel on their nightly news show! That, and the fact that they showed some women’s college soccer this year might lead our youth into believing that there is a place for girls in the sporting world! My friends, we must protect our girls from those kind of debased thoughts.
As for the rest of their panel well they have some dude presented to us as an “expert” just because he’s Welsh, or Scottish or something! Please! Just because Wales and Scotland are two of the four countries that write the official rules of the game you expect us to believe these people will know what they are talking about?
The biggest problem with Fox is, of course, the games that they show. That EPL just seems to consist of skilful ball handlers who think we will be impressed by their fancy footwork, clever strategies, and flowing teamwork. Get out of here I say! This is America and we want to see our sportsmen knocking the crap out of each other. I had to beat my eldest kid with a stick after I caught her out in the back yard practicing some of that Christiano Ronaldo’s moves. We don’t want skill here, thank you very much.
So back off you FSC lovers and let’s let this channel go so that we can save our kids from the possibility that they might end actually being able to play this game. In the meantime, I have to cut this short because the Arsenal v Liverpool game is about to start.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Happy New Year
I resolve that in 2009 I will not talk about the other kids on the team behind their parent’s backs - apart from that snotty striker kid whose fat a$$ mom gets right up my nose with all her comments about how good her dopehead kid is.
I resolve that in 2009 I will get off the goalkeeper’s back. It’s not her fault that she has impaired vision and a weight problem. I resolve to become friends with her parents and lend them any support they might need to find another club come tryout time.
I resolve that in 2009 I will fully support our coach by advising him about how well I know the game. I will also support him by shouting contradictory instructions from the sidelines so that the players on our team will know that they have options.
I resolve that in 2009 I will stick rigidly to the 24-hour rule and will wait at least that amount of time after each game before reminding the dumba$$ coach just who pays his wages.
I resolve that in 2009 I will teach my kids the principals of loyalty and teamwork by being completely dedicated to our team, coach and club. Any winter training or pre-tryout coaching we do with other teams will be purely to make my kid better to support our team and not with the intention of jumping ship first chance we get. I will not start planning which club we are going to next June until after Christmas day.
I resolve that in 2009 I will hire a private trainer, work my kids into submission, weasel my way in with anyone who can help me, undermine every other kid we know, flaunt my cleavage at college coaches, spend every penny and then some on high priced clubs, tryout for the academy and ODP then criticize those programs if we don’t make it, and remind everyone that it’s just a game.
I resolve that in 2009 I will maintain my healthy sense of perspective that sets me apart from all those other fanatical parents.
I resolve that in 2009 I will get off the goalkeeper’s back. It’s not her fault that she has impaired vision and a weight problem. I resolve to become friends with her parents and lend them any support they might need to find another club come tryout time.
I resolve that in 2009 I will fully support our coach by advising him about how well I know the game. I will also support him by shouting contradictory instructions from the sidelines so that the players on our team will know that they have options.
I resolve that in 2009 I will stick rigidly to the 24-hour rule and will wait at least that amount of time after each game before reminding the dumba$$ coach just who pays his wages.
I resolve that in 2009 I will teach my kids the principals of loyalty and teamwork by being completely dedicated to our team, coach and club. Any winter training or pre-tryout coaching we do with other teams will be purely to make my kid better to support our team and not with the intention of jumping ship first chance we get. I will not start planning which club we are going to next June until after Christmas day.
I resolve that in 2009 I will hire a private trainer, work my kids into submission, weasel my way in with anyone who can help me, undermine every other kid we know, flaunt my cleavage at college coaches, spend every penny and then some on high priced clubs, tryout for the academy and ODP then criticize those programs if we don’t make it, and remind everyone that it’s just a game.
I resolve that in 2009 I will maintain my healthy sense of perspective that sets me apart from all those other fanatical parents.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
