Happy New Year

I resolve that in 2009 I will not talk about the other kids on the team behind their parent’s backs - apart from that snotty striker kid whose fat a$$ mom gets right up my nose with all her comments about how good her dopehead kid is.

I resolve that in 2009 I will get off the goalkeeper’s back. It’s not her fault that she has impaired vision and a weight problem. I resolve to become friends with her parents and lend them any support they might need to find another club come tryout time.

I resolve that in 2009 I will fully support our coach by advising him about how well I know the game. I will also support him by shouting contradictory instructions from the sidelines so that the players on our team will know that they have options.

I resolve that in 2009 I will stick rigidly to the 24-hour rule and will wait at least that amount of time after each game before reminding the dumba$$ coach just who pays his wages.

I resolve that in 2009 I will teach my kids the principals of loyalty and teamwork by being completely dedicated to our team, coach and club. Any winter training or pre-tryout coaching we do with other teams will be purely to make my kid better to support our team and not with the intention of jumping ship first chance we get. I will not start planning which club we are going to next June until after Christmas day.

I resolve that in 2009 I will hire a private trainer, work my kids into submission, weasel my way in with anyone who can help me, undermine every other kid we know, flaunt my cleavage at college coaches, spend every penny and then some on high priced clubs, tryout for the academy and ODP then criticize those programs if we don’t make it, and remind everyone that it’s just a game.

I resolve that in 2009 I will maintain my healthy sense of perspective that sets me apart from all those other fanatical parents.