From The Notional Enquirer

A youth soccer program on the west coast has been revealed as a thinly veiled cover for a shocking parental wife-swapping lifestyle. These sick parents would routinely take their kids to out-of-town soccer tournaments and meet in their hotel lobby after packing the players off to bed under the premise of them getting a good night’s rest. Then they would draw “Player Passcards” from a pack held by the so-called ‘Team Mother’ and hook up with opposite gender parent of that player. The depraved scheme came to light when one parent threatened to sue the club after she was paired up with the father of a B team player who was subbing with the team for the weekend. Robert Slimeball of the law firm Sue, Cheatem & Spend, acting on behalf of parent Sonia Insayshabal, state that their client is an A team quality superstar and shouldn’t be expected to have to put up with the B team performance of the hapless father who was subbed in during the second period of double overtime. They further state that their client is quite happy to ‘play up’ but shouldn’t have to ‘play down’. Counsel for the defendant state that the club has always been focused on long-term development over short-term results.