My Most Humble Apologies

I guess this is what happens when you put the power of this interweb net thingy in the hands of us little mid-western girls; all those prejudices that we didn’t know we had come rushing to the fore. Thankfully we have a world wide web of helpful folks who can tell us exactly what we were thinking and steer us back onto the right track. Having carefully read the points you have made I can see now that a number of humble apologies are in order and I am more than happy to let you have them.

I apologize to the gay community for the use of the phrase “set up those colorful cones in pretty little patterns”. At the time I thought this was just a funny little dig at soccer coaches but with your wise insight I can see now that this was a hateful slur and I fully deserve your contempt.

Thanks also for pointing out that my use of the term “we parents” is a clear indication of my inbred notion that only two parent families are the appropriate way to raise children. I was not aware of my short comings in this respect but I am grateful for your ability to read the true meaning into my words. Given that I have already shown my anti-gay prejudice, it must be clear to everyone that I am also guilty of anti-same-sex-marriage intolerance and if it wasn’t for my raging anti-deviant bias I would ask you all to spank me for adopting this position.

Mostly, of course, I have to apologize to the manufacturer of the food products who has been defamed by the fact that I have a sister in Nebraska whose name we cannot now mention in these enlightened days. To be honest, when my son’s soccer coach told me that he wanted to smear the manufacturer’s maple syrup all over me and lick it off, I just thought he was being a sexist. However, your wisdom has revealed to me the deeply racist motives in his actions. Thankfully you pointed this out to me before I let the horny little bastard do his thing.