State Of The Nation

In his State of the Nation speech last night President Obama outlined revolutionary plans to turn around the American economy. The under fire leader of the free world has challenged congress to come up with a bill to overcome the largest drain on the economy, the cost of which towers over the crisis in our financial institutions, the war in Iraq, and the bill to fund socialized medicine. Speaking with the fire and passion that propelled him into office, the President indicated how $97 billion dollars were squandered each and every working day as an army of anonymous delusional soccer parents and their mentally challenged coaches fought out an acrimonious on-line war using computerized soccer forums on their company dime. Mr. Obama noted that by simply eliminating the worst offenders the country could free up enough man hours to re-build the Egyptian pyramids as a tourist attraction in Flint, Michigan. It would also free up enough bandwidth on the internet to allow us to finally exploit the web for the purpose for which it was truly intended – selling porn to fat middle aged lonely sad fools without the embarrassment of having to visit one of those stores on the edge of town. Speaking in his response Republican Senator Attila The Hun said “Finally, this is the sort of brave, creative leadership we have been looking for from the President”.