2012

So my kid has just finished his high school “soccer” (I use the term loosely) season and we can get back to playing a sweeter, purer, much more expensive version of the beautiful game. As a sophomore it seems to me that time is marching on for him and it won’t be long before 2012 rolls around and we have to deal with the big issue that date brings – which college am I going to be happy with for him? Frankly, I’m getting a little bit tired of his constant “can’t I just enjoy the game?” remarks and so I’ve decided to take a much more active part in his career, which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is very difficult for such an easy going mom like me.

I’ve started by hiring a private trainer to do some one-on-one work with him. I had a few candidates in mind but in the end I settled on his current club coach. This guy obviously knows what he needs to work on and I had been told by other parents that I could expect his field time to increase by about 25% if I paid for one extra session a week, and by about 70% if I went for the full 3-day-a-week package paid in advance through next March. The fact that the coach is rather dishy and will have to come round to the house 3 times a week is an added little bonus for a woman of my age. Unfortunately we’ve had to cut my kid’s music lessons and SAT class to make the time available and I’ve also withdrawn him from the honors calculus and physics classes he was taking as he really needs to lighten the load and get his priorities right.

Since I don’t want to over burden him, I myself have taken over the process of bombarding my target colleges with copies of his highly embellished soccer resume. However, since colleges like the kids themselves to make contact I’ve taken a course in teen speak so that I can pass myself off as him. WTF dude that’s gr8.

I’ve cancelled our subscription to the Fox Soccer Channel in case the skill based European game should corrupt his American mentality and I’ve enrolled him in some specialized classes with some of Michigan’s finest college coaches. Detroit No Mercy will school him in their “Basic Brutality for Defenders” class, while Ferrell State have him signed up “Advanced Simulation”.

So I think I’ve gone to some considerable trouble to make sure that 2012 is a big year in my kid’s life. But do you know what the little shit said to me as I posted his new schedule on the refrigerator door? “Mom, it’s only soccer, it’s not the end of the world!”