Jeez I can’t believe that this ‘multiple coaches’ thing is being touted as the latest big thing in youth development. According to this ‘latest thinking’ all kids should be exposed to a number of different coaches throughout their developmental years. Well hello! Maybe the reason my kids are so much better than all your E team dingbats is that we’ve been using the multiple coach approach for as long as I can remember.
Take for example my son’s team. In addition to our paid coach we have a volunteer assistant who was asked to take the team for a few minutes back in 2002 when the coach was running late for a game at our club’s annual Fleece The Parents tournament, and he’s been there ever since. I should have known how dedicated he was to the cause when he showed up for the next game in full club regalia and insisted on being called ‘coach’.
We also have a dedicated offensive coordinator who is Timmy Simpkins dad. Here is a guy who has perfected the fine art of hollering “Get a shot in” every thirty seconds or so. I think the results speak for themselves with this coaching approach as there must be at least 3% of the times when that is the appropriate action for the kid to take.
Emotional support for the boys is provided by life coach and goalkeeper’s mom, Carrie Mae Leejourno, who can always be relied on to put an arm around a vulnerable young man or two as they leave the field after a defeat. As she says, her ‘door is always open’.
Defensive coordination comes in the big round shape of former fourth string football star Danny Gutbucket who gives the boys the sort of clear concise instructions that you need in the heat of battle. I always feel reassured when I hear his powerful baritone imploring some nervous kid to ‘boot it’ whenever the ball comes within 40 yards of our keeper. It’s nice to see Danny’s son Tommy on the way back to full fitness after his stint at Fat Camp this summer.
Our clearly superior tactical awareness could be the result of the input of Loni Wallflower’s dad. Loni is still waiting to make his first start with the team as he enters his seventh season with us but his dad always seems to be able to size up the opposition and know after the first few minutes of play that its time to bring a sub on.
So don’t give me all that ‘latest thinking’ nonsense! We have the finest collection of multiple coaches in the Midwest and the results of all our mis-informed contradictory input from the bleachers will be there for all to see as the boys set out to win back their place after being relegated from division F last season.
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