New Team

Well, after what must be the longest tryout in history, it looks like we’ve settled on a team for my youngest daughter for next season.

The process began a few weeks ago with a couple of pre-tryout poaching sessions held by the club’s Director Of Nefarious Activities, Todd Underhand. We then discussed the situation at our current club with their Reassurance Counselor, Bob Undermine, and we even met with the Team Manager, Sonia Underpaid. I was particularly impressed with their speech about the expectation of our “long term commitment to the club” made by their new DOC who transferred over from Wazdar this year following his move from the Wolverines the year before, and The Fire the year before that.

The detail they went into during the tryout itself was amazing! They even sent someone out into the parking lot to check that our vehicle wouldn’t look out of place with the rest of the BMWs the parents all seem to drive. I have to be honest and say that at that point I was worried about the kid who showed up in a Toyota Prius but then I discovered she was only going out for the non-competitive rec team (aka “The Tree Huggers”) where she and her Jesus-sandals wearing parents will fit right in.

There was a little bit of soccer played too but not so much that anyone would have noticed as we were all too busy looking around to see who else had showed up.

The coach is actually an American which was a bit disappointing as it means we won’t be able to play our favorite game of “What do you think he meant when he said………?” in the car on the way home from another routine drubbing at the hands of those kids from the poor side of town.

His name is Bobby Jones but the girls all call him ‘Booby’ which is probably because he has a fine pair of man-boobs that jiggle when he chases after the linesman to dispute yet another bad call. On the other hand the parents all call him “BJ” which I thought were just his initials but supposedly relates to some initiation ritual that all the moms (and one of the dads apparently) have to go through when your kid joins the team.

At the end of the day we gathered in an excited huddle as they named the 18-strong roster and I beamed with pride as my daughter’s name was read out. As I was writing the first of many checks I heard some cynical parent pointing out that only 18 kids had showed up to tryout anyway. Some folks just like to find fault with everything.