Flaunty Shannon And The Holy Grail

My eldest daughter’s friend Shannon has shown the world that it can be done with the news that she’s landed a full ride soccer scholarship to a Division 1 school! This is such a significant piece of news that I’ve actually tried hard to make it look like I’m genuinely pleased for her, and that I can stand to see her flaunting her new school colors in our face at every practice. She’ll be playing at Southern Michigan University where the athletic teams used to be called “The Crusaders”. However, they dropped that name when they opened their first foreign campus in Baghdad, Iraq. They’ve now settled on the new name of “The Foreclosures” to give them a nice solid sense of being part of Michigan. It’s not a school that I know a great deal about but I’m busily trawling the internet to try and find a few prime faults about the place so that I can disparage the girl as soon as her back is turned.

Got to say that I’m a little bit surprised that she made it this far. I mean, she’s a decent solid player but she’s nothing spectacular and never played with a really top price club. She wasn’t the most dedicated player either and I always thought was a little bit too studious and GPA fixated to make it as a top athlete. Plus she wasn’t much of a social animal and didn’t even get invited to go with the rest of the girls down to Cancun last Spring Break for their “Farewell To Highschool, Chastity and Sobriety” trip. So really I can’t see what the attraction is for the coach that has recruited her?

But maybe not everything is as good as it seems for Little Miss Perfect! One of the other girls, Roz Lynn Chapple, has been looking in to this so-called “full ride” business. With Division 1 schools only having 14 full soccer scholarships to hand out to their girls teams she was as surprised as everyone else that Shannon got one. But it turns out she’s only getting 20% for soccer with the rest made up of academic money and a bunch of other little grants that she spent her time applying for when she should have been on the practice field. Ha! You can always trust Roz Lynn Chapple to find where the truth is buried!

So I hope that Shannon has learned that if she hadn’t wasted all that time studying and applying for support she might just have won one of those mythical Full Rides and really earned our respect.