Colorado Vapids?

Why, oh why, can’t Michigan be as proactive as the other states in our union? You would have thought that with all the turmoil in our key industry we would have been the first to notice that the world is changing. Hello? I hate to break this to you, but there is a teensy-weensy bit of an economic crisis going on the moment! But, oh no, it’s takes all those honorary members of the mile high club over in Colorado to come up with the sort of innovative thinking that will get us through these trying times. A top soccer club over there has teamed up with a local credit union in order to be able to offer loans to their parents so that they will be able to continue with their kids soccer training in these days of foreclosures, layoffs and credit crunches. That’s the sort of priority setting we need to see here in the brain-freeze Midwest. It makes you weep to think that the one lone creative brain operating in our soccer administration couldn’t come up with that idea.

But it’s not enough just to copy these other forward thinking states. We need to start thinking ahead a little bit and try to leap frog these guys to get ourselves into the position of leaders instead of followers. So it’s time for us all to come together and lobby our fragrant Governor to be sure that a decent portion of our stimulus money goes straight into the pockets of our hardworking soccer community. Now before anyone gets all bent-out-of-shape and tells me that the least we should be doing is ensuring the money will go to folks who will actually pay a little bit of tax on it, may I remind you that the avoidance of tax payments is as American as apple pie and we should be encouraging our zany-accented guests to get with the program?

I also want to encourage you all to consider your kid’s soccer programs as part of their wider education and to finance them out of the trust funds you should have established to pay for their college. Since these funds are protected by law your kid can quite happily continue playing over-priced soccer even after you are declared bankrupt and flipped the bird to your mortgage company by defaulting on your payments! Am I smart, or what?

Now I’m not saying that we don’t have to make some adjustments to allow us to be able to continue with our number one priority. I know we have to tighten our belts a little bit. May I suggest that you think about investing in a nice new Isuzu Exploiter station wagon? The $7,000 you save compared to the nearest American built rival can be applied straight to your kid’s Development Academy fees and you’ll know that the consequent loss of any US based jobs should enhance your kid’s chances of a clear run at the open roster spots. It also gets 2 miles more to the gallon when you fill it with regular imported gas compared to that Nebraska corn based stuff so you can drive to even more remote tournaments! You’ll also be secure in the knowledge that by purchasing this type of vehicle you truly are supporting the soccer community because the kids of the folks who build the Exploiter spend their 18 hour days sewing the very same soccer balls that we kick around our carefully manicured fields. What a fantastic melting pot the world economy truly is!