Some People!

Some people are never happy! You do your best to be a good sport and you get slapped in the face! What is the world coming to?

My eldest girl’s high school team played Patsy High the other night in what we all knew was a mis-match before we even started. The district mandates that we open the season with a local derby and for some strange reason our AD always seem to select our unfortunate friends from across the tracks. We have mercied them five times out of the last six games and even beat them 4-0 in what was old Todd Jentilman’s last game in charge before my boosters had him fired for his lack of ambition.

So the game kicks off and it’s not long before I’m getting that feeling of Déjà vu which lets me stop concentrating on the game and allows me to focus on whether or not they have any tasty looking fathers amongst the great unwashed over on the opposing bleachers. It’s already 7-0 by the time we make our first substitution and for some reason the opposing coach rolls his eyes as we bring on the last two seniors we have on the bench. What is his deal? We’re backing off by pulling a couple of starters and we get that kind of reaction! Our coach instructed the girls that they could only score with headers from then on although I accept that our striker Emily Goebbels might not quite have understood the idea when she dribbled the ball around their keeper, stopped it on the line, and got down on her hands and knees to tap it in with her head.

When we win a PK at 9-0 we do the right thing by bringing up our fat ass goalkeeper to take it only to be met with a barrage of boos from their fans. Yes, of course we celebrated the goal but that was our keeper’s first score in four years of varsity play so she deserves to be cheered wildly, don’t you think?

If you ask me the MHSAA is to blame with their stupid mercy rule says that the game only ends with an eight goal differential provided it’s gone into the second half. So that leaves us at 12-0 as the ref brings the first half to an end, giving our trainer the chance to be a decent guy by helping their keeper wipe the tears from her eyes.

With their kids having traveled all the way across town for this match our coach obviously thought they’d want as much playing time as possible in the second half so we did the right thing by playing a nice passing game to stretch things out for them. The boys in our student section appreciated our sportsmanship and got in on the act by hollering ‘Yo!’ with each subsequent pass. I counted 35 passes in a row before one of their kids got the ball. Then, do you know what the unsporting little bitch did? She turns around, blasts the ball into her own net, and they all troupe off the field and straight onto their bus before the blast of the ref’s whistle has even died away!

On the way out all I could hear were their parents muttering about ‘at least such-and-such a school just played the game’, or ‘they could have pulled the seniors’. One of them even suggested that we should have played our JV team! Now that would have been just disrespectful!