Sylvester ‘Sly’ Manoovers, varsity soccer coach at Holier-Than-Thou Catholic High School, today refused to confirm or deny that he is the source of the anonymous letter received by this newspaper questioning the eligibility of a rival soccer player. It was widely reported yesterday that Lowell Standards stand out, Colin Hacker, was the principal accused in the armed robbery of a city liquor store and should be considered ineligible for the showdown match between Lowell and Holier, due to be played this weekend. Details of the robbery had been sketchy until the letter, printed on Holier-Than-Thou headed note paper and smelling strongly of incense, was received at the Prep Sports Editor’s desk.
Sly did confirm that Hacker was a former student and top goal scorer at Holier, but had joined their local rival after he was forced to cut him from the roster on instructions of a “higher power”. When it was suggested to him that the higher power was school principal, Bishop Dogoodie, Manoovers responded “higher than that”.
Sly stated that he couldn’t understand how details of his former protégé’s previous convictions and drug related issues should suddenly become public on the eve of such an important soccer match, but he did call upon all parties to ‘do the right thing’. Manoovers holds a 0-12-0 record in matches against Lowell Standards and has been widely touted for a pink slip should his hapless charges lose at the weekend.
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