From The Sports Section

Lowell Standards High School athletic director, Chuck Thetowelin, confirmed today that standout soccer prospect Colin Hacker would be allowed to participate in this weekend’s state tournament playoffs in spite of being charged in connection with an armed robbery at a Detroit liquor store. Thetowelin commented; “This school has a strong belief in the principles of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ – particularly where it applies to proven goalscorers”. The athletic director also stated that he thought it was unfair to consider the student’s three previous convictions since they occurred prior to his moving to the school district and that he was unaware of reported instances of ‘hi-jinks’ in the locker room. Hacker, who moved to Lowell Standards and became eligible to play with the state powerhouse after coming to ‘live with his great aunt’ at the start of the season, is said to be working hard at rebuilding his sports career after failing drug and sobriety tests at his previous school. Soccer coach Wynn Atnecost supported his striker’s position and ridiculed newspaper columnists who complained about Hacker sporting a “F*** You All” t-shirt at the playoffs media event on Tuesday saying that he had a responsibility to support his student’s right to free speech.

Atnecost confirmed that he is going into the tournament with an almost complete roster. Only bench-riding special-ed student Antonio Nicedude will be sidelined after missing practice to take part in remedial math classes when his grade point slipped below 2.81. Atnecost commented “Tony knows the standards we work to here and he has let himself and the team down”.