From The State

Dear Parents

As the big tournaments get under way your State Association has only the very best interests of the soccer community at heart. In these trying economic times we all have to make some sacrifices and the association is aware that this has caused some concern in certain quarters. However, your Board of Directors is well aware that we are all in this together and that we have to share the load equally amongst all of us. Therefore, the policy of charging parents for spectator admission to watch their own kids play will continue. Divorced parents who come to games with their extended families will either learn the meaning of fidelity or will pay for the privilege. Families who can prove they have roots in Utah may be eligible for our polygamy pass with a 50% discount for each wife beyond the third.

The board is aware of a certain amount of disquiet with regard to certain parties who attend our games but do not contribute to the cost of running the tournament. We are determined to close this loophole. We therefore wish to make it clear that in future all kids on the subs bench will henceforth be considered spectators and will have to pay to watch themselves squirm in discomfort at sitting while a non-paying guest player takes their spot. Players who come off the bench before the half-time break can apply for a refund of 4% of their admission fee.

Directors of Coaching whose tax return indicates they earn in excess of $100K, or who drive a high end SUV funded by a parent, will continue to be admitted free of charge because, after all, this really is all about the kids.

Regards

Michigan Youth Suckers